Today I saw a psychiatrist. She is amazing and I'm SO GLAD, SOVERYGLAD, that I called and got an appointment. As luck would have it, I called her on Friday and someone had just cancelled a Monday appointment. When I first started going to PT at the beginning of the year, I kept saying that God had sent Christie (my PT-ist) to me. I was sure of it. She was supposed to help me in some way; I thought it was with my tailbone. And she definitely helped with my tailbone (I have my last - fingers crossed - PT appointment this week for that.) but we also talked a lot about all sorts of stuff while we did the PT exercises. It was therapeutic. Soooo as our PT sessions were coming to an end, she suggested that I entertain the idea of talking to a professional. I knew deep down that it was time. So, I actually got the info for this psychiatrist from her! I'm not surprised that it worked out when I called to schedule and that there was a cancellation. It usually takes months to get into see a psychiatrist. God works in mysterious, and sometimes not that mysterious, ways! I know this is all connected to help me.... so I'm going with the flow.
Anyways, the appointment went really well. It was a good first appointment, and we talked about nothing I thought we would! Yes, of course I cried. I laughed a bit, too. She's a redhead - well, formerly a redhead like me. We must be kindred spirits to some degree; and she reminds me of Sarah Jessica Parker but not in a squeaky mousey way (No offense, SJP!! Loved you in Girls Just Want to Have Fun!! Classic!!) And she was able to point out so many things about me already. This is her job and she's been doing it for a long time so of course she's really great at it ~ attended Columbia, John Hopkins, Yale... has had a lot of training in all sorts of areas, is also a psycho-analyst, a doctor in other areas too, etc... I just feel like she's really going to be able to help me get to the bottom of myself and fix things. I'm looking forward to next week's appointment. She upped my Paroxetine (Paxil) by 5mg and gave me a month of Alprazolam (Xanax). I hope I won't need the Xanax for a long time; I think the whole "meeting my birthdad" thing has me really anxious lately. ............ Obviously that would make someone anxious and emotionally charged; I didn't really put two and two together, lol. Lunatic. :) I thought my body had conquered the medicine and wasn't going to let the medicine help me anymore. Yes, I probably had some little vision in my head of Viking-hatted Masked Marauders invading my little Happy Rainbow Medicine Cells inside and pillaging them.
I need to be easier on myself. There are reasonable explanations for almost everything.
Anyways, I'm glad to have it for the days when I need it and for our flight to Flo-Rida.
I am too old to say Flo-Rida.
My only qualm about this therapy is that it's expensive. $165/50 minutes. I do not see any dinners out in our near future! :) I really do NEED this though. It's been a long time coming and frankly, I'd like to feel like a regular person by the time I'm 30. You know? I can't be an emotional nutcase forever right?
She suggested I ask my parents for the money to pay for the appointments. I said I'd think about it; and I really will. But I'm 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% positive I do not even want them knowing that I'm IN therapy. We'll be fine. We'll make ends meet.
God will provide. He always does.
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