2/12/2012 UPDATE: So here's the thing. Hubby & I are getting a divorce. I'm not advised to blog during this time so... Still on hold here. Will blog again when I can, I miss it so dearly. :)
I can still be reached via email: theunexpectedworldofmommyhood@gmail.com Thanks everyone for your prayers and support at this time. The going is tough, but I am tougher and know a better future is waiting. ~ Meg :)

9/26/2011 UPDATE: My blog is "on hold" for a little bit... there is A LOT going on around here {so there are no worries, everyone is healthy!} and I'm really just not ready to blog about it. I will be back. Thanks for understanding!! :)

Friday, August 5, 2011

Blogging Again :)

Me: Feeling Good These Days

Ahhhhh I haven't blogged since June. I started taking medication for my PPD/PPAnxiety about that same time. Of course, I think it's all related. Since being on medicine, I've been super active around the house keeping up with chores and with the girls. I've been Twittering {Superfab912} a bunch and have been enjoying it. I've also come to the conclusion that I think I actually NEED to be on medicine full-time. I'm not sure if this is totally a PPD thing or not. It all might have just manifested into the worst-blue-period ever after having these babies. You know? Without sharing too much, I feel like such a better person now that I'm taking medicine. I was super against it but I can think more clearly now. And that's so good. The morning after I took it for the first time, when I woke up, it was so silent. In my head. Like when a record is turned off real fast and the sound goes "zzzzzzchuupe" and then it's silent... or when you're the only person in a small coffee shoppe and a gaggle of people come in and are chatty and giggly and busy, and when they leave the store ~ THAT silence. That's how it felt in my head.

I wasn't hearing voices or anything but do you know what I mean? That Inner Monologue just shut-up.

So on Monday I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist. She was recommended to me by my physical therapist (who I just had a playdate with this morning - her daughter is a month younger than my oldest girls - we had a blast, and I think I made a friend for myself!! YAY!!!) I really don't want to talk to anyone about all my shit but I think it's time. And I don't think my OB can handle the adjusting of this, not in offense to her ~ it's just not her area of expertise. It's time to pass the torch from OB to Pysch. I think I need some adjustments on my medication AND I think I might need a PRN. I think going to a psychiatrist is the best way to figure out the right plan of action. Sometimes the medicine works really well but I have days at a time where it just seems like it's not enough. Does that make sense? As always, I will let y'all know how it goes. I don't ever actually say "y'all" it just seemed appropriate to use at this time. :)

MIRACULOUSLY, I haven't lost a follower during this little blogging sabbatical of mine. {Can I call this a sabbatical?} I'd like to thank the Thirty-Nine of you Followers for sticking around! Maybe you have been on the edge of your seat anxiously waiting for my return. Maybe you've been busy yourself and haven't even noticed. :) That's okay, too. I am starting to feel more like writing again so I hope to be blogging more. School is starting soon so I'm definitely going to have more time on my hands to blog. I really have a hard time blogging when the kiddies are about. :)

As far as the house goes, I finished, & started and finished, several projects (& started a few more) around the house that I've been wanting to get done for quite some time. Like these things:

hallway curtains
the Hancock shelf
frames for Snowdrop's frame-wall
baking, baking, baking
curtains in our bathroom
sewing, sewing, sewing
cleaned out and organized so many things
threw out so many things that I didn't need/want
AND four years of projects that never got started or finished.

If I had time right now I would take and post pictures of these things to show you. But I don't today. Sorry.

I've pretty much caught up on Project Baby Clothes {which I talked about in one of the Vloggin' Vednesdays that I'd love to get back into doing}. I've got one basket of clothes that turned up after I put away all the other stuff and did more laundry. BUT, I've got almost everything that doesn't fit put away! The upstairs closets are dangerously stuffed with bins and other things haha ~ it's always a little scary to open the doors! I never know if something is going to come flying out at me. :)

I {mainly} finished that project in June but this past week we moved all three girls into one room. The third floor is no longer Snowdrop's room ~ it's the playroom! I'm thrilled!! I even moved my sewing machine up there. We're moving my desk up there this weekend so I'll have a little space of my own within the playroom to work on MY stuff. :) OK. SO. The big move. I did it all by myself. See. I've been on Hubby for like two months to do this and it {ahem, he} keeps pushing it back. He went golfing on Sunday and I was mad about something that happened the previous night so I said "F it. I'm doing it myself!" All it really involved was moving the full size mattress from the third floor, taking down one toddler bed, and converting the other back into a crib. Mattress moving isn't really that hard when you're just going down the stairs. The girls totally helped me maneuver it around a couple corners ~ they were awesome helpers! So we got the room set up and I'm just so happy with it. I think we need a little tweaking here and there, and I need to fix some of their alphabet but for the most part I'm just thrilled to have them in one room. It opened up the third floor to become a straight up playroom, which in turn meant that we moved every. single. toy. upstairs. WHOOHOO!!! We left a bunch of books on this floor but other than those {and of course, the tv} our main floor is now 'kid free'. YAY! :)

We went to Portland in the middle of June for a friend's wedding and had a blast. I LOVE PORTLAND!!! It was seriously a great trip. Honestly, there isn't time to talk about how much I loved it. The street-pirates (the street kids/people) that were so very interesting to watch and talk to. The freedom I felt there to be ME. We were there for the PRIDE parade, too, which absolutely contributed to the feelings of acceptance, friendliness, and youth of the city. I love the downtown area so much, I could definitely see us living there. I could open my vintage/handmade shop in a little place in the city instead of on Etsy (it's coming soon!!!)... Hubby is not sold on the idea for "right now" because of the family business (of course) but maybe we can retire there someday. Early. Early retirement in Portland. Haha. In my dreams.

Actually, in my dreams ~ I'll retire to Europe. Vacationing in America occasionally when I get homesick for a Windy City or SoCal beaches. Anyways..........

A good friend of mine came to visit over the Fourth of July holiday and we had a blast. We've been friends since high school, worked at THE bakery together, I was involved with her older brother for a few years and generally always figured I'd wind up as part of the family. THAT didn't happen (obviously) but we've all remained super close friends over the years. It was sooooooooo good to see her. I am lucky to have such great friends even though they don't live nearby. It's hard not having "real friends" down here. Do you know what I mean? Not that I don't enjoy the company of my friends here, I just feel so often like people "have" to be my friend just because I married their friend.... anyways. MY friend and I had a spectacular time. We cooked and baked, and refinished/painted/recovered two chairs I found at the Goodwill Outlet for the girls room, and we sewed a bunch of little things for the girls (like pillowcases!). We stayed up late and laughed for hours. And we brainstormed about some projects we're going to work on together. It was SUCH a great weekend when she was here.

My soulmate (and very best friend in the entire world), O and I had a Girls Weekend late in July and it was just ridiculous. So much fun!! It was just like the old days. But better. So neeeeeeeeded to be just us girls. O's boyfriend (who I love and who will marry her someday; I've already granted my permission. He was very sweet in asking for it, seeing as I am his future wife's soulmate. Really, isn't that cute to ask me? What a doll.) was going out of town for the weekend so we had full-range of the apartment to ourselves. It was a great weekend; we also got together with some other girlfriends of ours ~ grilling tofu and drinking champagne on rooftop decks overlooking the skyline. It's so great that we're all still close. We've known each other since high school. Like Freshman Year. It's nice to have people from back in the day still around. They've been around through it all. A girlfriend of ours works at Tiffanys so we went that Saturday and tried on ridiculous rings. And by ridiculous, I mean HUGE. And redonkulously expensive. I tried on a $165,000 ring. ZOMG. It really WAS beautiful. Though, I think I'd rather we pay off the house than spend that kind of money on a ring (we don't have that kind of money anyways, haha!).  That said, however, I would absolutely accept and proudly wear a ring of that caliber and size. HA! :) OMG. It was so pretty. And it looked nice on my finger. ;) O also bought all us girls a stacking ring to commemorate the weekend. She had a LOT of credit from a (an old-boyfriend's) gift she had returned. WHAT an awesome friend I have. AWESOME!!! My ring is pretty and had to be ordered so I'll get it the next time I go up there for a visit. Which will be soon. I think the more I see my soulmate, the happier I am. And vice-versa. We are seriously like part of each other. It's amazing to me, our friendship has come so far and been through so much (long story, not for today) and here we are: as strong as ever, finishing thoughts again, can't stand being 300 miles away from each other... in fixing our friendship (and growing the fuck up), I have been able to find so much of myself that I thought I had lost years ago when I became a mom and moved out. O had those pieces the whole time. And you know what's funny? I had her pieces that left with me when I left ~ we were both fools and I'm just so glad we can share our pieces again. I missed her SOFREAKINMUCH and while it doesn't necessarily make me happy to think of her sharing all that pain with me, I'm "glad" (?) that I wasn't the only one who felt so lonely without the other. We are truly soulmates. How cool is that!

I am meeting my birth-dad and his side of my family the weekend of August 19th. 
This is a HUGE DEAL, of course. I'm SO full of all sorts of feelings and emotions. I am super excited and super nervous. I think it's going to go great! I have a feeling that I am very much like this side of my family. Part of the reason I am seeing this psychiatrist now is so she can help me prepare for this. Hubby, God Bless him, just doesn't get it. I don't expect him to, he's not adopted so he'll never really 'get it'. But he tries and is being supportive of this event even though I KNOW I'm being very wishy-washy emotional high-strung about it. I'm all over the chart of emotions these days when it comes to meeting him, understandably. I hope I get the chance to cook with my grandma/aunts, that would just be so cool. I have a full-blood biological brother who lives in the same city as my dad (Tampa/Ocala, FL) (and a full-blood bio sister, but she lives with my mom in Pennsylvania) and I'm hoping he'll come and meet me, too. When I asked my JohnDad (that's what I call him; his name is John but that didn't seem personal enough; I already have a Dad so... JohnDad it is) about it, it didn't really sound to me like my bio-brother was going to come. That's okay. I don't want to push anybody into doing this, you know? It's a big deal. I know that my biological mom doesn't want to meet me. Or at least that's how she felt several years ago... or maybe it's that she wants to but can't because it's too hard. I totally get it. {as much as I can get it.} Part of me feels like she should be the very first person to meet me, considering she's my mom, but I really can't wait forever for her to come around and want to meet me. I wanna meet my grandma before she kicks the bucket ~ sorry to be so insensitive about that thought.

Okay. I totally whipped all of this out in the last hour or so while I let the girls play upstairs. They are supposed to be napping but I REALLY wanted to post on my blog so I'm letting them run around like banshees up there. {Disclaimer, they are totally safe in their room.} It's been forever since I posted and I'd probably write more but it's time for "naptime" to be over. I tried a few times before to post this summer but the girls got in the way and I didn't finish my thoughts, things ended up needing to get done, there were poopy diapers, etc. I'm glad I could get this posted today.

Hope everyone is doing well! I hope to catch up on lots of things this weekend. Like some more blogging. And reading about your lives. I have thought of so many of you during my time off and truly hope everything is fabulous in your neck of BlogLand. 

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