2/12/2012 UPDATE: So here's the thing. Hubby & I are getting a divorce. I'm not advised to blog during this time so... Still on hold here. Will blog again when I can, I miss it so dearly. :)
I can still be reached via email: theunexpectedworldofmommyhood@gmail.com Thanks everyone for your prayers and support at this time. The going is tough, but I am tougher and know a better future is waiting. ~ Meg :)

9/26/2011 UPDATE: My blog is "on hold" for a little bit... there is A LOT going on around here {so there are no worries, everyone is healthy!} and I'm really just not ready to blog about it. I will be back. Thanks for understanding!! :)

Monday, August 22, 2011

All Filled Up

If you've followed my blog recently then you know I went down to Florida {which was beautiful!} this past weekend to meet my Birthdad! I was adopted at birth and had never met him. 

I have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to share, obviously, but I do not have time to write about it this morning. But I did want to check in and say that it was the best weekend ever. I met him, my great-aunt & uncle, a second cousin... and a bunch of my dad's friends. There is so much about their lives that I found out this weekend. I had no idea that my absence throughout the years had affected my ENTIRE extended family. I was always "The Missing Grandchild" and was always thought of throughout the years.... it's a pretty intense feeling to know you affected so many lives. They thought of me as much as I did them.

I had a mainly happy childhood though I always felt like something was missing... that I was part of something else. I am part of something greater! This whole big, very close family always left a spot for me in their hearts; I was always part of the family even though no one knew where I was. 

This weekend filled up an empty little piece of me that I thought would never be filled. I am all filled up with love and family.... 
and it's the best feeling ever. 


Will write more again soon! And share pictures!! I look just like him. :)

Friday, August 19, 2011

A Fireworks Show

I feel like a Fireworks Show of emotion. I'm so excited about the trip and so nervous, too. Emotions are pulling me in every direction, it's hard to focus on just one. We're meeting at his house {my birthdad} and I'm glad because I think it will be nice and private. And more special that way. I hope we click and that things aren't TOO awkward. I know it's probably going to be super weird at first.... but.... I'm okay with that. Sometimes the best things begin awkwardly.

These are MY people. Like, for real, MY people. I realize the magnitude of this weekend is probably a hard concept to grasp for those of you who aren't adopted or have experienced a similar situation. Quadmama pointed this fact out to me on my most recent post; and it makes sense. I am unable to explain how it feels, really... or what it's like. But I CAN tell you that it feels exhilarating to finally be putting a piece in the big puzzle of my life. I've been waiting for this one for a long time.

And so have they. :)

I have dreamed about this day for SO LONG. For as long as I've thought about my birth-family, I suppose... and I can't believe it's actually here. It's 1:14am so technically today is actually THE day. THE day. I can't wait to meet the person who is responsible for half of what made me ME, and one of the two people who created my life.


And I just wanted to write all that down before I turned off the computer for the weekend and unplugged. :) Everything changes after this weekend. Good or bad, I do not know. This is certainly life-changing though, no matter how it goes. Please keep me in your thoughts this weekend!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Just Saying

I'm meeting my Birthdad and his side of the family this weekend.

I have had zero time alone in this house to prepare myself.

I haven't even done my laundry yet!

I relaxed yesterday afternoon/early evening by going to the Goodwill Outlet and searching for treasure... and then I went to Starbucks and then I went and got a brow/lip wax. I'd hate to meet my Birthdad with unruly eyebrows and a mustache (please say that moo-stash). My aesthetician is really wonderful and so insightful; I enjoy going to see her and she always has nice things to share. She is great to talk to/bounce thoughts off and I'm glad I got to see her {not just get waxed!} before I meet my Birthdad. 

Gigi couldn't watch the girls on Wednesday this week so my 'day off' didn't happen. Of course, the week I really truly NEED a day "off".... {I quote "off" because I still have Snowdrop so technically I'm not really having a day off.}

So I'm just saying that this is a really emotional thing and I'm doing it all by myself. My support system {other than Hubby, who I think still really doesn't "get it"; He keeps talking about how he hasn't been to FL since he was 11. That not what this trip is about. Sorry but I have to be incredibly selfish on this one!!} are the two friends who know about it happening. They both live more than 300 miles from here. I think it's incredibly unfair that no one else recognizes the importance of this event and how life-changing it will be. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain that to people?? I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for someone to take the girls for a day so I can have peace to myself to prepare and reflect.

Like, I wish my husband had taken control of the situation and arranged for a sitter this week. 
That would have been cool.

Le Sigh.

I'm off to break up an argument about something ridiculous between my oldest girls... and then I have to change this rank diaper on Snowdrop that I keep smelling as she parades beneath my feet, clawing at my thighs, screaming "Moooooommy Mooooooooommy Up".

Le Freakin' Sigh.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

IT'S OFFICIAL: I'm Gonna Meet My BirthDad!!!

I was going to mention this in my most recent post BUT I really thought it was important enough to deserve its own mini-post. 

Last night, we booked our airfare to Tampa so I can meet my birthdad and most of his side of the family!! 
It's official!!! :)

I'm full of all sorts of emotions. It's gonna be a good thing.

So have any of you done this before? What did you bring? What did you do? I'd love to hear about it!

5 mg

Pretty sure I am feeling every bit of the extra 5mg (of Paxil) that I took last night. 
My eyes are wide open (but feel heavy). I feel like a zombie, lol. A zombie full of energy. Does that make sense? At least my mind is quiet again and I can putter through the day and get things done.

Definitely not feeling anxious about meeting my birthdad this morning. I haven't filled the Rx for the Xanax yet. If the extra 5mg of Paxil really can rid of me the anxiety then I won't need to take the Xanax for that. And that would be a good thing ~ because I really don't like taking medicine. 
But I will need the Xanax for the flights to and from Florida. I hate flying. It's freaky.

But let's not talk about that now. I don't want to ruin my non-nervous morning! :)