Beyond Stressed

Sorry. It's just one of those days.

I am beyond stressed out. I feel like I want to check myself in. Maybe this is because I haven't slept very much in the last few days. I do not know. Maybe the last four years of pushing off & playing off the stress are finally catching up? I do not know. All I know is that I feel exhausted and that I need a break. A real break. Not an afternoon to myself. I need like 5-7 days. Exhaustion. Celebs have it all the time. Why couldn't I? Would the doctor laugh in my face if I said I was suffering from Exhaustion and needed to be hospitalized? I might laugh in my face. Because that sounds so absurd. But that's how I feeeeeel.

I can barely handle myself lately, much less the stresses of mothering three children. I was struggling before with just the two. It's not something I often write about on my blog but geez, I did not come with that built-in mother-gene. I love my kids, very much. But it takes lots of effort for me to parent and I am always conscientious of what I'm supposed to be like (what other mothers say & do about their kids, what society thinks I should be like just because I'm female and had babies, just how the "other" moms are). I feel like so many miniature to large curve balls are being thrown my way on a daily basis. I want to believe that God knows best and He wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle... but I feel so overwhelmed at this point. Can we just reduce it to one small curve ball every few days? For at least a little while?

I feel like I'm a one-person team on a dodge-ball court.

I just want to be normal.

After being awake with Snowdrop all night {literally, because she's teething poor thing!} I drove the kids to school this morning, then cried for about 2 hours, took a shower and was finally feeling a little better about myself. Until I picked up the girls who reminded me that I forgot to send a picture of our cat to school with them this morning. They were the "only ones" (they said it) who didn't have a picture of their pet. "Miss L had one, and Mrs C had one, and A had one and B and R had one" etc. I feel like the worst parent in the world, on top of already feeling like the worst parent in the world. And of course, the girls keep talking about how we "need to bing a pic-ure of Hen-riks to 'cool nek time." Alright, alright already! I get the message ~ I dropped the ball on this one!

This is just not one of the best days. Please say a little prayer for me. I need one. Thanks!


{And knowing that other people have it harder than I do, that I am so very lucky to have been gifted with children, that Japan is going through so much after the quake/tsunami, that people here in my city are going through so much, etc ~ all makes me feel like an even worse person for having these feelings. UGH.}